this is me talking to strangers.

so, if you look back on this "journal" i have, which i rarely use, you might find some optimistic and hopeful bunch of shit i used to believe in, well, breaking news, there's absolutely nothing left in my beliefs. for the longest time i have tried my best to be a somewhat decent human being, if someone asked for help, i didnt care who the fuck it was, i helped, maybe not in the ideal way, but i did my best to help; if anyone needed advice, id offer the best advice i could...i acted on the tight ass morals we live in today, put everyone before my own interests, be unreasonable as whatever the fuck they asked without being naïve enough to be called stupid of course and even when it sounds contradictory it was possible.
i'm not talking about just some time ago, i'm talking about an entire life that has been declining in the last couple years, all the trust i've given, every expectation i've put on the people tahts been around me has been torn into little pieces and abused...and we are talking about a lot of people. everyone i know doesnt give a fuck.

you know, for the longest time i've just said, i'm not like the rest, i care about amking a little change, even if its just for one person per day, it doesnt matter, its something better than what anyone aspires for, i've tried to give my best, i've been way too nice, i've tried to make teh right thing in an objective manner.

congratulations, i have let myself get broken in a way that cant be repaired, i have lost my hope, i have lost all the confidence i had, because believe it or not i once had that and i was so strong i barely recognize myself today. don't get me wrong i can generalize on people, but i no longer have energy to try.

everything, absolutely everything has gone to hell, because i have let it go there, this isolation im building is helping, i only blame myself for how i feel because i could just shrug everything off but im too weak to do taht.

breakdowns everyday, everywhere...it's not supposed to be like that, life isnt supposed to be like that, music has lost its magic, silence, thats all i want, a bit of peace, my life hasnt been the worst, i know people that have been through a lot more than what i've been through and what i have put myself through. my head is no longer okay, i am not.

i just want tthtis to end, please, but im not worth even that not worthy not.